Half-term report

So, here I am nearly halfway through my stint at the major meeja outlet. I had a bit of a half-term assessment with one of my mentors today so now seems as good a time as any to take stock a bit of what's going on in my crazy freelance world.

Personal stuff
I've been quite shocked at how seamlessly I've slipped back into the persona of a "proper working person", by which I mean wage-slave. It took me about a week to get used to setting the alarm clock and getting up to it, racing out of the door to catch a bus and doing that whole commuter "thing" (although I've been infuriated at the number of people who refuse to give me the priority disabled bus seat I'm entitled to simply because they can't see my disability and my high heels nonpluss them so much they clearly think I'm lying even while I'm waving my concessionary pass in their faces). I've obviously been loafing it far too much over the last 5 or 6 years as a home-based freelance, despite the fact that fear of not having money to pay the rent and go out for a pint is the greatest motivation a freelance can have to generate work. I think I've long since proved I don't have to go out to work to be a productive member of society but it's been good to revisit the practice for the self-discipline. And, if I'm honest, I've enjoyed the company. Working from home can be lonely. I get out as much as I can and socialise online during the day, too, but what I've really appreciated is being (and feeling) part of a team again - it's been great to have others to bounce ideas off and hone them. It's made me rediscover some of my mojo and restored my confidence in my ability to generate great ideas and sell them to others.

What they say
Well, it all seems to be FTW for me at the moment! Right from week 1, I was getting good feedback great compliments to my face about what I was doing. (I have had to hold that ego well in check.) The nicest was being told that the producer is so chuffed with me she's happy to just let me get on with stuff despite being a control freak (I hadn't noticed that, actually, but I couldn't ask for better faith in me). They are also really delighted with my ideas, my range of contacts and my eye for a fresh angle on old topics. The compliments must go in both directions - the producer has been fab at ensuring that when my ideas have been passed on to other shows I've had credit for them. I think I'll be buying her a bottle of pink fizz come end of March.

But I did worry that, despite all the promises, I'd end up spending the whole 3 months generating cosy features for one programme only and not getting the opportunity to learn actual new skills. Halfway in, I started to really panic that this would be my fate - don't get me wrong, I'm really enjoying what I've done so far but it's stuff I already do, just in a different medium. At today's meeting I decided to be proactive and ask for the training I'm supposed to be getting. Result - I'll be starting it before the end of the week.

I've also been itching to do the organisation's social media stuff for them - it's in poor shape right now. In early January, there was a vague promise about this too but nothing materialised. So today I just demanded they give me the Twitter password and let me run the feed for a month. I promised I'd build a massive following (actually I promised to more than double it), create the conversations that simply do not exist right now at all (because the feed follows only one person back), generate news stories and features from it and drive audience. A bold boast but one I'm very confident I can deliver. I'll either get the password on Friday or be told to FOAD politely...

The best thing I heard today, apart from getting the go-ahead to run a major cross-platform social history project across the organisation, was that I'll definitely be offered freelance work beyond March and that I'd probably be offered a freelance contract if I can get to grips with all the techy radio stuff and shine there.

The lame bit
I'm having a real, live office crush. Oh, the shame! For the last few years, my office crush has been on the boy. Now, there's a human to contend with. I was toying with asking him out for a drink after a promising early conversation or two. But I'm being blanked this week and after I said "hi" to him in the canteen when I unexpectedly found myself next to him in the queue, he muttered a feeble response and stomped off. I think that one's best forgotten.

Office politics
It was inevitable that they'd rear their head at some point. I've been very careful to walk a studiedly neutral line over the last 6 weeks. I've been privy to some office gossip, of course, but never pried or made any comments remotely suggestive of where my views might lie regarding anyone in this workplace or even on the organisation itself. Despite my (for me) extreme caution, I still managed to get caught up in internal politics. A couple of years ago I took part in a studio TV debate on regional media and last week was asked to return to the topic and review the situation now. My "boss" cleared me to go off filming for an afternoon for the TV show, but that night when I got home a call from the TV show's producer revealed my participation had been vetoed by someone much higher up in the department I'm in right now. I've deliberately said nothing since then. My "boss" didn't bat an eyelid when I carried on working in the office yesterday instead of going out. He surely knew, though. I'm disappointed but I want to make the most of my current opportunity without pissing anyone off (I know, I know, this is most out of character for me) so I'm gritting my teeth and riding this out. The TV will manage without me (grr!) but there will be other chances. In the meantime, my current job has priority...

So tired

If my surname was Prescott, I'd be known as Two Jobs.

I am shattered. My current typical day unfolds as follows:

- up at 6, feed cat, brew up, shower, dress, put face on, do any chores like emptying the kitchen bin/cat tray or putting the dustbin out, take meds, make toast, flick through overnight emails, skim headlines of at least one decent newspaper...

- 8, yell "oh fuck", grab coat/bus pass/phone/bag/, lock up and take a brisk walk to the bus stop.

- 8.15, get on bus, read Twitterfeed on my phone, dip into Facebook and use an app to skim more paper headlines.

- 8.40, arrive at work, boot up computer, head to canteen to get Very Large Coffee, return 15 minutes later to discover PC is still trying to load itself. Spend next 8 hours working my socks off.

- 17.00, leave work, get bus home.

- 17.45, home, where I feed the cat then start Job no. ", ie, my freelance business.

I'm currently spending at least 3 hours every week night just maintaining the business. I know I receive a lot of emails every day and I've made estimates of the total in the past. Being out all day and coming home to frighteningly full inboxes brings home just how much mail I get. I'm probably averaging 150 a day at the moment. Most of those are unwanted press releases, but I still need to sift through them. Then there's digests of posts from various useful email groups I signed up to on topics of interest. Of the rest maybe only 3 or 4 will be actual offers of freelance work.

Then there's my RSS feed - again, working from home this is something I dip into at convenient moments. Now, I get home and 200 items wait to be read. Obviously I'm not reading all of them - some feeds I'll just hit "mark all as read" to get the total down.

By the time I've done that plus logged into a couple of work forums to keep apace with freelance colleagues and just gossip a bit, cooked some food, watched an hour's TV and done any other chores, it's 10 or 11pm and I'm dead on my feet. Last week, I was supposed to be at 3 events after work but cancelled as I was too tired and domestic stuff had priority.

And there was no rest at the weekend. I had a major copywriting job on, with a very attached deadline. It's the one that pays all my bills every month and therefore must be done. But it meant I had to cancel a planned trip to the cinema and another optional social engagement. I spent the entire weekend writing and researching, finally mailing the job back to the client at 11pm, along with my invoice. Then I fell into bed.

It's been 3 weeks since I started juggling 2 jobs and I am dead on my feet. My eyeballs felt like they'd been sandpapered when I awoke this morning and I struggled to concentrate in the office. And tomorrow morning I'm working in another city, so I'll need to get even earlier - at 5 - and won't be home till 7.30 in the evening.

How I'll manage this for another 10 weeks I have no idea. Something's going to give...

Work-life imbalance

So, I'm a week into my staff job and I'm struggling with normal life. I've got used to the alarm going off and I've more or less adjusted to catching the rush hour bus. But clearly I have been spoiled by the freelance lifestyle as I've spent the last 6 years organising my work around my own needs. I've got used to popping out to the shops in the daytime, arranging medical appointments to suit my schedule, napping during the afternoon if I feel like it then working in the evening to catch up.

Suddenly my time is no longer my own but I have forgotten how to be a wage slave. The life skills I once had that enabled me to juggle the domestic stuff in the evenings and at weekends appear to have deserted me. I can't remember how to organise my needs around my work.

Last week, I found myself dropping off my prescription renewal at my GP's surgery before it had even opened, just so I could catch a bus to the office.Then the snow conspired firstly to delay my picking up the renewed prescription then to collect my medicine. I finally found a late-opening pharmacy last night and hurried there after work. What normally takes 2 days has taken a whole week. By the same token, the snow meant no grocery shop was done last week so I sat down at my PC at the weekend to order online and arrange an evening delivery. Fat chance. Me and everyone else had failed to shop last week and there was not a single delivery slot available for any evening this week at the three supermarkets I tried. I ended up grabbing the essentials myself at a nearby branch last night (after getting my meds) and having to bring my shopping home by cab.

I have forgotten to put the washing machine on every night - I usually do it in the daytime. And I urgently need to book a dental appointment and one for the optician. For the first time in 6 years I'm going to have to ask permission for the time off for these. Oh, and I missed a parcel delivery today. My regular postie knows I work from home, but now I'll have to go and queue at the sorting office on Saturday morning instead. Gah.

How do staffers manage? Because I'm buggered if I can remember how I used to, way back in another lifetime. If anyone knows the answer, please put it on a postcard addressed to "Dear Useless Ex-Freelancer".

I am, however, enjoying being a staffer for now. It has its perks - the company is excellent (at least so far) and I've learned quite a bit of new stuff over the last week. Tomorrow, I will find out what the company's plans are for me for the next 12 weeks. It's been a bit unstructured to date, partly because the snow took over on the news front, meaning I was given whatever work took priority, and partly because my new bosses have not been around much. So the meeting tomorrow should give me some idea of how my work will be shaped between now and Easter.

I am both frustrated and amused by the technology I'm working with in the newsroom. I bought myself a new workhorse PC in May - custom-built to my own specs and fabulously expensive, but tax-deductible and state-of-the-art enough to serve me well for at least 3 years, hopefully 4. It's superfast and I have the latest versions of the software I use for work and personal stuff. In the newsroom, I'm being forced to use Internet Explorer 7 instead of my customised Firefox for browsing and every page takes at least 20 seconds to load (and to reload if I go back a page). Their version of Word is 2003. I've had to relearn how to use Outlook for email instead of Thunderbird. I can't install anything I want to improve my working practices Because I Am Not Allowed To. My screen is tiny, compared to my superlarge flat-screen monitor at home.

Most entertaining is the ridiculously clunky keyboard, which looks like it is at least 10 years old and probably is. The keys are so high, they remind me of the Remington I used to bash out copy on in my first-ever job in 1978. I've lost 3 fingernails since I started staffing. Not that my nails are anything to brag about - they've been ruined ever since that first Remington and break if I so much as look at them but I don't think I've had quite so many casualties in such a short space of time before. The nails are a small sacrifice for the experience I'm getting though.

And now, dear reader, I really must go and load the washing machine...

Freelance goals

I don't really bother making new year resolutions - I rarely manage to stick to them (like going to the gym more often - that usually fades away after a few weeks). It's much easier to have goals, especially on the work front. And for a freelance, goals are important. Not vague ones like finding more/bigger/faster-paying clients but specific measurable goals.

I'm not about to lapse into management jargon at this point, with mutterings of SMARTs and SWOTs, but I'm aware I need to make some manageable changes. The upside of freelancing is the flexibility and control you have over your working practices (no boss, no commute, hours to suit...). The downside is that freelancing can turn you into a slob of a hermit with a severe internet addiction if you're not careful.

I'm not planning any work goals yet as the future looks too unpredictable right now. I'm about to become a staffer for 3 months. After that, I may or may not return to freelancing depending on how the staff position works out. And I'm also planning to start up a new journalism venture with a colleague - how hands-on I'll be with that will also depend on the staff position.

So, bearing in mind that I'm in no position to plan anything much concrete workwise from 1 April onwards, this year's goals are more personal.

Get dressed every day
Like a lot of freelances, my daily commute involves a trip from my bed (in my dressing gown) to my desk via the kitchen kettle and I'm frequently appalled at my inability to get dressed until late afternoon (sometimes not at all, if I'm not going out in the evening). Going out to work for someone else should knock that bad habit into touch. From Monday, my alarm will be going off at 6am daily, I'll be hopping straight into the shower, and be dressed and made up with time for an hour's home work before I need to catch my bus.

Do the ironing
Getting dressed, particularly for someone else's workplace, means I'll no longer be able to ignore the basket of ironing in my spare room. Some of it has been sitting there for 6 months. But no more - I need crease-free shirts now. Much as I hate ironing, an hour a week should keep it all under control. Let's hope I can keep it up from April.

Get more exercise
The other downside to freelancing is it makes you lazy. Well, it makes me lazy. I love the gym routine but I don't have one in my neighbourhood. And while I have the noble intention to get outside every day for fresh air and a walk, in practice if it's raining or I'm busy with a deadline it doesn't happen. On weekdays, I may only go out if I run out of ground coffee, need to go to the post office or have a meeting in town. My new commute involves a decent walk to the bus stop and back and hopefully I'll be wearing out the carpets at least a little at my new workplace. I might even shift some of my extra kilos without too much extra effort.

Lose the kilos
See above. I have a specific goal here for the number I want to lose. My eating habits are currently rather erratic. I fuel up on coffee and frequently forget to eat breakfast and/or lunch when I'm really busy. The result is that when my blood sugar plunges I just grab whatever's to hand to refuel. Going out to work should restore good habits - I hate leaving home without breakfast inside me and I'll now get a proper lunch break too. Regular meals (including cooking properly) plus the exercise should help me drop the 2 sizes I plan to.

Get off teh interwebz
I've always been a bit of a net nut, ever since I got my first email account in 1990, but working from home makes it far too easy to spend hours on it every day. My RSS feed has doubled in size in the last 18 months, I find it hard to stay away from Twitter and the Facebook habit I managed to scale back a year or so ago returned with a vengeance in late November. Acquiring an iPhone last spring compounded the problem of being permanently connected - it's rarely more than a metre away from me so I keep checking Twitter, Facebook and my mail. I worked away from home for a week in November and, although I still had my iPhone on the go, I didn't mind ignoring the Twitter stream and was happy to delete large chunks of my RSS feed unread. So I know I can manage without it. This year I plan to read more books in the evenings I'm home, instead of surfing. I'm aiming for a book a week (currently it's about 1 a month).

Take time off
The last time I had a holiday was in April 2008. It was a pleasant week away but left a bad taste in my mouth - not long after my return I broke up with my formerly beloved P. A year ago, I hit burn-out. Despite my best intentions, I didn't take a break. Partly I was too disorganised and partly I was too nervous to turn work down during the recession. What I should have done during a dead spell is take a late-booking flight somewhere and just gone. Lesson learned. I'm in the middle of booking a Mediterranean break for April this very afternoon. And I'll take another in late September. And no, I'm not going to take my netbook with me. I'm sure I can find a net caff just to track my work emails while away. The rest can be ignored.

Get out more
I do actually get out quite a bit in the evenings - 2-3 times a week on average. The problem is that whether socialising or networking I'm usually in the pub. So this year, I'm aiming to go to the cinema more often and also the theatre. I'm starting small with the stage, with the intention of catching a modest 6 performances of whatever. I joined a film club some months ago but went woefully few times. The plan for 2010 is to go at least once a fortnight to the cinema.

And that's it. I'll be tracking these goals over the next 12 months with a full report-back at year-end.

Annual review 2009

I usually do a bit of a round-up around this time of the year - a look back at another year of freelancing and what happened industry-wise over the preceding 12 months and any impact it had on me as both an individual and one of the many in my sector. Except when I look back at 2008's December posts, the round-up is missing. I know why, of course. 2008 was a bad year for me. Not workwise, but certainly on a personal level. I just didn't want to put all that in a review post, especially as some of what happened in the final quarter was immensely difficult and too personal to write about.

So where am I now?

I'm literally physically elsewhere, from choice. Making the decision to move to the city I'd originally intended to move to 6 years ago was right in every way. Workwise, it's opened up huge opportunities for me, not just in terms of actual work offered to me but the less quantifiable aspects - the contacts I've made, both social and strictly work, the conversations that sparked ideas, the events I've been able to attend that would have been physically impossible previously... all of which have had a huge impact on my future planning. I managed to get myself banned from a networking event I attended for the first time - simply because I was asked for feedback and was critical. I was gobsmacked at the pettiness, but don't feel I've missed out as the networking I've done at practically everywhere else in this amazing city has been so valuable in so many ways. I also never expected to end 2009 planning a new business venture with a freelance colleague or attending a training course that has led to me spending the first quarter of next year returning to a staff position and which may lead on to who knows what else. I feel I'm standing on the brink of something exciting and important and as yet unknown.

Financially, 2009 was ropey for me - as it was for many freelance colleagues. During the first quarter I earned almost nothing because I was busy writing the book and not in a position to take on other work. After I'd delivered the manuscript, work was very erratic. Looking back, I can see I did much less pure journalism than was desirable. This was partly due to my regular markets shrinking - there's not much point in pitching to eds who you know no longer have a freelance budget. It was also partly down to taking on whatever work was going, just to pay the bills - I ended up doing a lot of book editing and copywriting, which led in turn to having less time to drum up ideas for pitches, which I might not have been able to sell anyway.

I dumped a major client, the one that covered all my monthly bills for minimal effort, which was heartbreaking but had to be done because it had become unsustainable in other ways. I took me a while to find a replacement on that level, but in the early autumn I landed another regular who pays well and on time, and covers my outgoings for just a couple of days' work a month. One of my other regulars still owes me money from the first quarter and is teetering on the brink of bankruptcy. Somehow, I'll be amazed if I'm still writing for them in 3 months' time.

On an industry level, it was a bad year. If 2008 was grim, seeing thousands of staffers lose jobs, then this year was worse in many respects. It started off ok, as the staff redundancies meant there was still work going for freelances to fill all those pages. Then stage 2 of the downturn kicked in - advertising tailed off, leading to slashed freelance budgets and many publications closing. There seems to be a slight upturn now as the number of advertised staff vacancies is showing a modest improvement, but it'll be at least another 12 months I reckon before that translates into the return of freelance opportunities. There's been much industry talk in the last few months about how the future for journalism will focus on branded individuals. I've definitely used the downtime in 2009 to brand and market myself on Twitter, Facebook and the like, which I hope will pay off in work offered next year.

To my great shame, my blogging rate is way down this year - a measly 46 posts including this one. Compare that to 2007's 126 posts and last year's whopping total of 149. And on the other blog, I managed a feeble 17...

So, to the personal. Looking back, I'm quite stunned at how much I've blogged about my disability this year. I know that initially, way back when, I felt very strongly that I'd not let my health issues get in the way of work, or even be a point of discussion - I think I wanted to prove that the epilepsy was irrelevant to my ability to do the job. And so it was, in many ways. Except that only a few weeks ago, I actually admitted to my course trainer that it has hampered my career over the last few years in the sense that there were many jobs I didn't bother to even enquire about let alone chase because I knew it would be pointless. It's a key reason why I stayed freelancing, which is easier than answering awkward health questions and knowing that HR is lying when they tell you why they gave the the job to someone else. Although freelancing means I can cut out much of the stress - commuting, working with others, etc - that could have a negative impact on my seizures. And yet I had more seizures this year than at any time since I was diagnosed in 1997. My diary tells its own tale and so does this blog - living alone for the first time since diagnosis has forced me to face many fears, practical issues and my own mortality. I still feel vulnerable and I don't like it. Only today, colleagues were asking the "where do you see yourself in 5 years' time?" question and all I could see was me either in A&E (or the dentist) getting patched up, or dead, and all the fear came straight back up like I'd eaten a supersized portion of salmonella. 2009 has definitely been the year in which I can't run or hide from the impact of a long-term disability any more, while 2010 is going to be the year in which I know I'll have to look at long-term workarounds and make some big decisions.

As for the other personal stuff, there's been a relationship or two but nothing serious. As the year draws to a close, there are two very interesting men in my life - who knows what will happen? One is another hack, which has led to some interesting situations. I've not dated a colleague for a very long time - the last time, I swore off it as it became rather competitive on the work front even though we worked for different employers in different sectors. I guess the fear about being scooped is hard to shake off! But maybe not this time. We shall see. The other is as far removed from my industry as you could get, which is equally unsettling in some respects. I know how I'd like things to pan out - let's see in the 2010 review if I get what I wish for.

I end the year editing someone's book and looking forward to a few socials for local journalists (I've already done the London rounds). As usual, I'll be working over Xmas. I also close 2009 pondering the possibilities and practicalities of writing another book - a chance discussion with a colleague resulted in the vague idea of writing said tome together. I've no idea if it'll happen or not but I'm keen if they are. But first, there's the small matter of the tiny temp contract at the major meeja organisation to complete...

Weekends

One of the the real bonuses of freelancing is that I can have my weekends during the week, and avoid everyone else doing weekend stuff on a Saturday or Sunday. Like shopping in town, for example, which I often do on a Tuesday morning instead when it's quiet. The downside is that I often end up working on a weekend to catch up, if I do that, but I don't mind because the flexibility makes up for everything. And with no kids or partner in tow, I can pretty much please myself.

Taking this past week off to participate in some training inevitably meant I'd end up working this weekend. Several jobs have accumulated in my inbox which need to be done by Monday. Plus I had a business meeting in town this morning with a freelance colleague and friend as we are planning a new venture.

I loathe Manchester city centre on a Saturday morning, especially in the run-up to Xmas. It's full of people who are seemingly wandering round not looking where they are going, apparently for the sole purpose of making my life as miserable as possible. The meeting went well (although I now need to find time to go through the draft business plan and add my input) and I decided to pop into Boots to pick up some essentials before heading home. Big mistake. I got sidetracked by a visit to Waterstones when I remembered I had a £30 gift voucher in my purse. While in there, I spotted my own book on the shelf and nearly fainted with the excitement. I celebrated by blowing £150 on a pair of over-the-knee stiletto boots, as you do. And two pashminas to replace the one I lost recently (am fairly sure I left it behind when I attended Open 09). and £50 on make-up (I swear I only went in for a toothbrush and some face powder). I also acquired a yard broom when I got off the bus home, as my landlord is due to visit this week so I can renew my lease and I really need to sweep the gardens.

I cannot begin to describe how tired I am after the training week, but the rest of today is going to be spent writing someone's newsletter for their business, catching up with the cleaning, buying train tickets for Friday's day trip to London (work meetings, plus a boozy social with freelance colleagues) and reading the business plan. Tomorrow looks like it will consist of more of the same but I do plan to take some time out to do an urban walk in town if the weather holds up. There's a limit, after all, to the amount of time even I can sit on my arse and I have a Phd in arse-sitting. (Actually, there was a further unexpected bonus to the training week - I appear to have dropped 2 kilos spontaneously from all the rushing around. Perhaps commuting is good for you after all.)

But for now, it's back to work...

Learning curve

Just over a fortnight ago,on a whim, I applied to do a top-up training course. Today, I completed the first week of intensive workshops. I'm pretty shattered and tattered but it's been most interesting, for a number of reasons.

The biggest shock to the system was learning to commute again after a 6-year hiatus. Although I'm naturally a very early riser, I fought daily against the excruciatingly loud digital bleep of my alarm clock at 5.30am. On at least 2 mornings I was sorely tempted to roll over and crash out again. I don't know why this is - my insomnia frequently wakes me that early and I'm happy to get up, stick the kettle on and crack on with work. But I dislike jumping straight in the shower, deciding what the hell to wear and putting my face on for the day while it's still dark outside. Catching a bus at 7.10 is anathema, sitting on a crowded train even more so. It's bearable - just - as long as I have a large carton of coffee, a paper and don't have to talk to anyone. By today, I felt I'd just about got the hang of things again - nicely in time to unlearn them.

People. I'm naturally sociable, but equally like my own company and frequently crave solitude. This week has taught me that freelancing from home can definitely turn one into a misanthrope. Working largely alone for so long meant I had to learn to work in a team again, something long since forgotten (and, truth be told, after my last spell as a staffer coping with a colleague who was literally bonkers and made my team's life hell, something probably best left behind). I had a huge midweek bust-up with one of the other trainees, inevitable under the circumstances. It was resolved next day but it's served to remind me that in Q110 I'm probably going to have to button the lips that are normally left to speak as bluntly as they care to.

As for the rest, it was hard not to be aware of the age gap between myself and the other gang members. Interestingly, I was way ahead of them when it came to the geek stuff. Although I'm probably an early adopter, I generally expect 20-summats to be ahead of me there. So it was with some surprise that I discovered that 10 years of blogging, plus proficiency in Facebook, Twitter and a bunch of other social media stuff put me furlongs ahead. I was bored and a little frustrated, therefore, during the first couple of days while we were taught how to blog and exploit social media platforms. In the latter half of the week, I did learn new stuff - how to make a digital movie and audio slideshow, for example.

For me, the most bizarre bonus was undoubtedly the unexpected friendship I seem to have struck up with an investigative journalist who dropped in to teach the group how to dig up information on the deep web. A lot of the workshop was, again, stuff I already knew from doing this kind of work in the past but we not only had that in common but also some other things. We swapped cards, Facebooked each other and before you could shout "publishing deal" we were mooting the idea of writing a book together. How weird is that? No weirder than spending 2 hours in someone's company and feeling like you've known them for ages.

Some other points of note: I've had so little free time this week that I've been coming home to a mountain of email that I've had less than 2 hours to sift through in the evening, dealing with the urgent ones and mainly deleting the rest before collapsing into bed. I failed to put the bins out. I cleaned none of the house. The boy was undoubtedly very unhappy at being locked in all day for 5 days in a row. I was so tired one night I overslept the next morning by an hour (yet miraculously still managed to arrive at the course only 5 minutes late - don't ask me how). I was also so tired that I cancelled several evening social engagements I should have showed my face at. Just how do ordinary people manage all these things? I have clearly lost the knack and I'm wondering just how I will cope with 3 months of this when a mere week was evidently such a struggle.

I have a month's respite now, a month in which I have 2 books to edit for clients, plus do my other regular freelance gigs and somehow psyche myself up for returning to the external workplace for 3 months. Scared? You bet. Cocky? Damn right. Somehow I just know I'll pull it out of the bag even though it will more than likely be through my usual combination of winging it, bluffing it and shitting it.

What I really want to know is where it will lead afterwards. But that's another story. So stay tuned...

National Freelancers Day

A couple of months ago I received a press release for National Freelancers Day. I was going to blog about it at the time but then decided I'd wait until it was actually NFD, which was yesterday. Except I was out all day on a training course and then I went straight to an evening meeting and didn't get home until 11pm. And by the time I'd fed the boy and myself, downloaded a huge batch of email and hit the "mark all as read" button on my RSS reader, it was nearly midnight and I was too tired to blog. I just wanted sleep.

So, here I am blogging a day late about why I don't give a toss about National Freelancers Day (although I do care about the missing apostrophe).

PCG invented this day. Who or what is PCG? It's a company (Professional Contracters Group or something like that). Its strapline says "the voice of freelancing" although it doesn't speak for me. I doubt PCG speaks for most other freelances I know, either. In fact, not one of the freelances I know was planning to celebrate NFD! As far as I can tell, PCG just wants freelances to sign up to it and contract work to them. I'm perfectly capable of finding my own work, thanks.

I'm also more than capable of celebrating my freelance status without assistance. I do this most days, in fact - I celebrate being able to sit at my PC in my pyjamas and sift through my email and work on my clients' projects or file my press copy, while gazing out of the window smirking at my neighbours as they all dash out to work every morning, driven by the need to be present at their boss's office come what may.

In fact, I was brutally reminded yesterday morning how glad I am that I no longer have to commute. My alarm went off at 5.30, I woke up in shock at the loud digital bleeping of the clock and leapt straight into the shower, knowing full well that if I didn't I'd fall asleep again for another hour and then I'd be late. Somehow I made it out of the house on time to catch a packed bus to the station then squeeze into an overcrowded train that had no buffet trolley. I got off an hour later grouchy at not having had any coffee and feeling thoroughly misanthropic because of the other commuters I was forced to share space with.

So I celebrate every day my freedom to set my own hours, work wherever I choose and delight in the knowledge that if I don't want to, I don't have to deal with others. I don't need PCG or anyone else to give me permission to do this.

And what were PCG offering anyway? Let's see. Oh yes, some "events". In my city, that meant a panel discussion with a tax adviser and some recruitment specialists. Just the ticket after a hard day's freelancing. Not. I can't think of anything less enticing than listening to some bigwigs drone on about the various admin aspects of working for oneself. I'd rather stick pins in my eyeballs.

If I hadn't had to attend my meeting, I'd have probably headed for the pub with some freelance colleagues to share a bottle or two of wine and a gossip - a far more productive way to enjoy the freelance life, or at least a spare evening after a hard day's self-employment.

Freelancing is not always a bed of roses. Sometimes it's rough and tough - especially in a downturn. But even in the bad times, I see good in it, even if on the really bad days the only good thing is being able to work in my pyjamas. And I really don't need anyone to tell me that's fine because I already know it is. The cynic in me knows that PCG probably created National Freelancers Day in order to recruit members. That in itself is reason enough for me to avoid it like the plague.

And on the days when freelancing really is stonkingly brilliant, I need PCG to help me "celebrate" it even less.

If anyone reading this did actually get involved, do comment and share your thoughts because I'd be very interested to hear your take on NFD.

Radio silence. Radio noise?

Apologies yet again for a neglected blog. The last few weeks have been busy, chaotic and strange.

I sense a slight whiff of change in the freelance wind. After a desperately quiet summer, things picked up in the early autumn. It's not just me. Colleagues have also reported an uptick on the work front and there do seem to be more jobs being advertised after a lengthy period of falling axes.

In the midst of all this, I've attended several industry conferences - even teaching some social media stuff at one. And I also decided to apply for some proper training.

It's been a long time since I did training. There was the 2 1/2 years indentures when I started at the tender age of 16 and 3/4. It was supposed to be 3 years, but my bosses had the temerity to go bust and I spent the 6 months I should have enjoyed finishing my qualifications taking my kit off at the local art college instead to pay the bills and stave off starvation.

There have been a few spells of CPD since then, almost entirely 1-day courses with the exception of a couple that were 2 days.

So it was with some trepidation that I applied, almost on a whim, just a week ago for a 3-month placement. Yes - 12 whole weeks. I don't think I ever took the application seriously - I didn't really think the training on offer was for members of the Venerable Order of Knackered Old Hacks, but for the thrusting, bright young things snapping at my heels, which are very definitely not Louboutins.

Thus, it was a slight shock to be invited for interview. I was given 4 days' notice and asked to prepare a presentation on social media platforms for news. To show you just how seriously I took this challenge, I did nothing until 2 hours before the deadline to submit it. Then I flung it all together and emailed it with literally 1 minute to spare. (Not forgetting the computer crash I had at 30 minutes to go, with a struggle to reboot.) I wrote the notes to go with the slides while on the 40-minute train journey to the interview today.

Nothing like looming deadlines, eh?

On arrival, I was thrown straight into delivering my presentation - unrehearsed, naturally - and somehow managed not to swear, have a seizure or otherwise cock things up. But still I departed thinking, That'll teach me...

So I was delighted at 10.30pm tonight to get an email offering me a placement. I can't quite believe it. I shed a little tear, swore a lot, went totally nuts for 10 minutes and then reality kicked in.

From January to end March, I'll be doing paid upskilling training in a newsroom. Ignoring the fact that I've almost no proper newsroom experience, despite the 3 decades in the job, it's just hit me that my life is about to change completely.

No more loafing around in my dressing gown all day. I'm convinced my postie believes I'm an invalid, given the number of times I've answered the door in my pyjamas. It's been almost 6 years since I last actually "went out" to work. Almost 6 years since I last set the alarm clock for a pre-dawn commute to an office. I've forgotten what it's like, forgotten how to be on my best behaviour. Freelancing definitely deskills you in some respects, like how to get dressed at a sensible hour and how to maintain a wardrobe of suits. How to cope with colleagues for 8 or 9 hours a day. Perhaps this is what the training is for - to teach me how to handle a workplace again.

I jest, of course. I'm really looking forward to January and the opportunities that lie ahead, even while I'm wondering how I'll adjust to such a massive, if temporary life change.

I'm also wondering where I'll be placed. A newsroom for sure - I want that experience, after 31 years of feature writing. But there's a good chance it'll be at a radio station. So if you hear someone reading a bulletin oop north in giveaway soft southern jessie tones, there's a fair chance it'll be me...

Catching up

My poor blog has been shamefully neglected once again. I must plead pressure of work, as I've been inundated with editing jobs and copywriting gigs. I've worked a lot of evenings but have also been making a concerted effort to get out more at night and weekends to socialise, so there's been less time spent at the keyboard when not working.

I've been exploring the possibility of doing an MA in Online Journalism - I filled in the application form, but to my embarrassment have yet to return it. This has mainly been down to the fact that I have to make a "personal statement" which, along with the interview, will be the determining factor in whether I'm offered a place on the course. The trouble is, when I went to uni to do my BA on my last career break, back in 1984, I wasn't asked to make a personal statement. I don't think these things even existed back then. I've made about dozen attempts to draft the statement and scrapped every single one as inadequate. Crazy, given I'm a professional writer. I just don't know what to say in it. I've never had to write anything like this before and I've no idea how it should be structured or if I'm supposed to plead my worthiness or whatever. I think I need to do some research. Online, of course.

The other big issue about the MA is can I afford to do it? Times are tough at the moment. Like all my freelance colleagues, whether writers or editors of whatever sort, I'm turning down almost no work just now as the future is too unpredictable. I don't want to take out a so-called career development loan to pay for my tuition fees because I fear being in debt (and have managed so far never to owe money to anyone). And I'd still have to support myself. I have bills to pay and a mouth and a cat to feed. And studying would have a massive impact on the amount of time available earning income. This is a major dilemma as I do really want to have a crack at the MA.

I need to make my mind up soon. That place won't be available for much longer.

Trivia: I've been listening to Electric Ink on Radio 4 the last couple of Fridays. It's a comedy series about the clash of old and new media at a newspaper. It's amusing in parts, especially the witty observations about cost-cutting and pandering to the advertisers, but the stereotyped characters are irritating and Robert Lindsay is wasted here. It's a shame as the potential to be a classic was there. I think I'll dig out my DVD box sets of Drop the Dead Donkey and Hot Metal instead.

I was vain enough to bag vanity URLS on Facebook today for my various profiles. Say hello to facebook.com/wordsmith4hire.

I will try to resume normal service again on here...

Headhunted

Just when it looked like my work supply was going to dwindle to a trickle and I'd have to start pitching again and hawking my body for hard cashmarketing myself to potential clients, a couple of things happened.

First, my current major client offered me a vast quantity of extra copy-editing work.

Then a headhunter approached me late last week. The email was bare bones, but just tantalising enough to entice me to respond. The upshot was I hauled myself off to the hairdresser for a long-overdue haircut (4 and a half months is almost a record for me and I had meant to go sooner, but work got in the way), then I scrubbed up this morning, put a suit on and went off for an interview, with no idea who the client was, what the job entailed or owt else.

I almost walked when told I'd have to do a "personality test". I'd rather be judged on my merits, thanks. However, after being reassured it would only show how I like to work, I filled in the form. It was spookily accurate but showed I was a great match for the job so now I'm waiting for interview no. 2. (I can't say any more about the job just now, except that the client wants a full-timer and I don't want to abandon freelancing - unless we can agree on hours, and money, this will come to nothing.)

It was clearly my day for being offered work - on arriving home, a nice French translation job landed on my lap, followed by a call from yet another overseas investment bank in urgent need of an experienced financial editor (perfect timing, it'll replace the banking client I dumped in February).

And just as I knuckled down to an evening of copy-editing, to catch up for the lost morning, yet another email arrived offering me commissioned feature writing for an online publication.

At lunchtime, I was semi-tempted by the headhunted post - now I'm not so sure...

Big Daddy

My PC is 6 years old. When purchased, it was - at the time- a state-of-the-art multimedia computer. However, it was only ever designed for limited home use. Over the last 5 years, it's been switched on almost permanently (I run scans overnight), and for the last 4, it's been a faithful workhorse subjected to up to 12 hours a day of hardcore abusetyping and surfing since I turned freelance.

It's been patched up over the years - a new motherboard, an extra hard drive, new graphics and sound cards, even a new casing. And 5 keyboards...

Sadly, it's on death's doorstep. Last month, I called out the PC doctor to replace the RAM, and last week, there was a failed attempt to install yet another new graphics card. The ageing innards simply couldn't handle the latest in gfx technology. Realistically, it was time to stop throwing money away and get a replacement.

A friend called to offer me some top-notch advice on a local computer supplier who could customise for my needs, so yesterday I headed out for a chat with the experts, who helped me draw up a list of my wants and needs and price it all up.

The new boy has already been nicknamed Big Daddy (not least because of his price tag) - my new kit will be a proper work machine rather than a souped-up home PC put to other use. Step forward 2 terabytes of storage, 4 gigs of RAM, an Intel Core 2 Quad CPU and the rest... It's going to be 3 to 5 days in the building, then no doubt a day to get it up and running here and copying over all my stuff from this PC.

I can't wait.

Now I just have to find an extra gig to pay for him...

More on work and disability

I try not to blog too much about my epilepsy because, to be fair, 99% of the time I manage fine. My seizures are generally few and far between, I can hold down full-time work and lead a fairly normal life, and self-employment gives me the flexibility I need to live with and manage this condition.

A few things happened today, though, that are worth noting. One thing that made me howl out loud with laughter this afternoon was discovering I'm being followed on Twitter by a PR for a major car manufacturer. I've not driven for around 20 years and, just at the time I was seriously considering resuming driving - in 1997 - I was diagnosed with epilepsy and kissed goodbye to my licence, probably forever now, being realistic. The other touch of irony is that I worked on a car magazine for 18 months at the start of the 90s.

Still on the PR theme, I received a press release from nPower today, bragging about their support for disabled sports. This is the same nPower that supplies my utilities and ignored 4 requests by me to change the card prepayment meters in my home for regular credit meters. Each time I asked, I explained patiently that swapping the meters was urgent because of the risk of being left without credit on the meters if I had a seizure. Each time, nothing was done, even though nPower operates a disability scheme called Warm Response (oh, the irony!). None of the provisions under Warm Response are actually any use to me as I don't need Braille bills, someone to read my meter or any of the other services offered to the disabled. The one thing I wanted took 2 complaints (one formal and very high up) to have it executed (on the plus side, I've been offered financial compensation). I shouldn't be too pissed off at nPower's lip service - it's only one of many companies that bungs a few quid at the less fortunate because the PR it brings them is more valuable. I'd just like to see a competent service delivered.

I have insomnia too, have done for many years, on and off - prolonged lack of sleep can sometimes be a cue for a seizure. I've had two simple partials in the last few weeks - that's too close together for my liking, but probably linked to me being slack about going to bed at a sensible time most nights and making sure I stick to a proper sleep routine. Worryingly today, I had a myoclonic jerk while out and about this afternoon. It was sharp enough to make me stumble and twist my ankle (and swear very loudly). I get the occasional myoclonic jerk either as I drop off to sleep, or during it. That was my first while awake. Now it might be nothing but I'm painfully aware that, having moved, I'm not currently on any consultant's list and it's reminded me again I need to see a neurologist for a fresh check-up. Annoyingly, it'll take me up to 2 weeks to get a non-urgent appointment to see my GP and goodness knows how long to get a referral. NICE guidelines say epilepsy patients should get a referral within 2 weeks but that only applies to new patients.

Where is all this leading? I have a nagging fear at the back of my mind. I'm painfully aware that epilepsy has already had some small damaging effect on the bit of my brain responsible for speech and vocabulary. Some years ago, I "lost" a handful of words and phrases forever. I want them and they are on the tip of my tongue but I can never grasp them or remember them. I sometimes lose my ability to speak during a partial seizure. That's not scary for me, just annoying that I can't briefly communicate.

Of far greater concern is my growing realisation that I am increasingly making errors in my work. I've always made typos - now I find it harder to spot them (I can still spot other people's at 100 metres). Sometimes after blogging, it'll take me 3 or 4 readbacks after publishing to see and correct my mistakes. Worse, I often forget to type a word - on readback, it's clear a word's been omitted. I see it in my tweets and forum posts and it's embarrassing. Or my mind will be telling me to type one word but I'll actually have typed something completely different It's not affecting my copy-editing work, but I'm having to triple and quadruple check all my written work now before filing. I have become heavily reliant on the spellchecker in a way that would have been unthinkable 5 years ago. As a professional wordsmith, it's devastating on many levels. As I get older, I wonder how long I'll be able to keep working. This has been my life for 30 years. I know nothing else, can do nothing else and don't want to do anything else. With staff jobs disappearing, that's not an option, although I suspect that even if I wanted to return to being an employee (which I don't), many companies simply wouldn't take me on because it would mean having to deal with my health issues.

So I guess I'm going to muddle on for the next 10 years or so and see what happens. I'm trying not to think about it too much, while knowing that I have to start thinking about it.

Client dump

I bit the bullet this morning and dumped my fickle client. I have no regrets. The email I sent yesterday that went unanswered was answered this morning - it was a public holiday in my client's country and they hadn't bothered to inform me.

It was the last straw.

I had a long chat on the phone this morning to the director who pays my invoices and what he had to tell me was not good. It underlined that my desire to walk away was right and the director was fully supportive of my decision (what I've been through is beyond the director's control).

So I composed a firm but polite email to the department abroad, explaining why I was quitting. Half an hour later, they sent me more work! I did it, making it clear that would be the very last piece. The company is in a mess and I have no wish to be caught up in the internal politicking.

And, whaddyaknow! As I quietly shut the door behind me, another one opened when someone who'd enquired a month ago about offering me some copywriting work rang to say they definitely wanted to hire me. Result.

Downturn? What downturn?

News about my industry has become increasingly depressing over the last few months and weeks. Staff jobs are being axed everywhere, freelances are being told slots will be covered in-house as budgets get slashed and many of my colleagues are complaining about a lack of work or even considering getting out of the game altogether.

Times are hard, no question.

I've been carefully examining my own prospects. I've been beavering away on my book the last couple of months, while well aware that once the MS has been sent to the publisher, I need to start touting for work again. I still have a few regular copy-editing gigs on the go, all long-running for which I am heartily thankful. I also have some plans to start sending my CV round to certain contacts and am drumming up ideas for pitches too. However, I've also seriously considered doing bar work if things dry up, just to keep the proverbial at bay and cover my overheads.

So today, I was rather gobsmacked to be offered 3 jobs - yes, 3! One client which hired me for a long-running writing project that is now drawn to an end has offered me a huge copy-editing job that is part of the same project. I've also been offered a job ghost-writing a business blog and another potentially long-term slot writing business stories for an online B2B news site. I have no idea if either of these 2 offers will actually amount to anything but it's certainly nice to be asked. I'm crossing my fingers that at least one of these will turn out to be a goer, as regular work is always welcome and I'd rather watch EastEnders at home in the evenings than pull pints, to be honest.

It's certainly reassuring to know that there are still publishers out there putting money into projects and showing willing to hire writers, despite the massive downturn in ad spend across the board.

A song to exit 2008

As the year draws to a close, here's my Xmas gift to fellow freelances everywhere:



I've written around 30,000 words since I last blogged, so now you know why I've been quiet. I ran out of vocabulary. Stay tuned, I'll be back to my usual blogging frequency before too long, including my review of the year.

Why Xmas is good for freelances

I love Xmas. It's not just because I know there will be piles of pressies, a Doctor Who special and a punch-up on EastEnders on the telly, and that I will actually take a couple of days off to relax a little.

No, Xmas is good because it means parties. I don't mean the family gatherings or drunken and rowdy nights out with your mates. I mean there is a galaxy of networking opportunities in December as colleagues of all sorts plan nights out to have a drink, a laugh and a chance to swap business cards.

Last night, I nipped over to Manchester and sneaked into the back of the Social Media Café - it was the perfect event to hook up with some of the city's digital movers and shakers over a couple of pints in a cosy pub. I put faces to a few names I have known online for a while and shook hands with a couple of people I hope will become friends. And, of course, I hope to develop these contacts into mutual work opportunities.

On Friday, I'll be doing it all again (in a different pub) with a dozen or so northern freelance hacks I know - our own version of an office party. And next week, I have client meetings in London, carefully timed to coincide with another pub night with more freelance journalists. While these two events are primarily social, out of friendship comes work, a surprising amount of which gets passed around by freelances to each other.

I also have several other evenings out lined up between now and the 25th. At this time of year, I grab every invitation going and turn up with my business cards - you never know who you'll meet and what it might lead to. Freelancing can be quite isolating when you're at home all day 5 days a week, plugging away on various projects so the annual December party bonanza is a great time to slow down on the work front and boost your social life in combination with some opportune networking.

Sausage roll, anyone?

Fees and friends

Two very useful items I'd like to draw attention to.

Firstly, the NUJ has revised its Freelance Fees Guide. This extensive list of typical rates for the job is incredibly handy for working out what to charge clients or what rates to expect from the press. I consult this several times a year when something outside my usual range of services drops into my lap and I need a helping hand to price a job.

Secondly, a very handy post from the Freelance Switch blog, which is always packed with good tips and advice. This post on banishing lonely freelance syndrome will strike a chord with many. Working from home can be really isolating so it's important to use all your options to maintain contact with the outside world. You have to create your own water cooler, basically. I use almost all of the 11 tips and techniques - the cat keeps me company (even if he annoys the hell out of me at times by commandeering my desk as his personal bed), I chat on Twitter, Facebook and forums with colleagues and friends, and I aim to get out of the house at least once a day, either just for a walk in the fresh air and to enjoy a change of scenery or to do something - pop to the butcher for my dinner, meet a colleague or client, or drop in on my neighbour (also self-employed) for coffee.

Most of these tips will also refresh your brain, giving you renewed zip as you plough through the editing of that tedious 600-page tome on insurance risk, or helping generate ideas for features if you write. Both of which will, of course, earn you money and send you back to the NUJ fees guide for the right rate...

Win-win!

Sacked!

No, not me. It would be quite hard to sack myself. But the last 2 weeks have been full of unrelenting gloom about redundancies in the press. You can read some of it here, here, here and here... And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

I feel for my staff colleagues who are facing redundancy. I worry for those who are still there but have no idea how long for. I see newly redundant colleagues thrust into freelancing not from choice and having to figure it out on the hoof.

A friend was made redundant today then asked to reapply for her job, which now has a new title and - amazingly - a slight pay increase. So it's not all bad but these are very worrying times.

I've been quiet on here as I've had a massive workload and been keeping my head down getting on with keeping the proverbial from my doorstep. I'm grateful I have a broad spread of clients but I do wonder how long many of us freelances can keep going.

How to Write?

...or how to dumb down my trade?

All this week, the Guardian has been giving away booklets on how to write. Fiction, poetry, screenplays... today's free guide was on journalism but you could have forgiven me for thinking it was April the 1st. Granted, even for a hardened old pro like myself there were some handy tips in there. But I feel really pissed off that the Guardian thinks it's fine to spill our professional secrets to wannabes.

It's hard enough for professionals making a freelance living as a journalist these days. Without a portfolio career in which I edit and copywrite, I would have trouble paying the bills. In current times, we are seeing publications close or slash their pagination to save money, leaving fewer outlets to sell articles to. A couple of national newspapers have halved their standard freelance rates within the last fortnight. Papers are making staff redundant, staff who then decide to try freelancing in an already crowded and tough market. And to top it all, more and more across all media platforms content is seen as something that should be cheap or preferably free. Not something produced by skilled and talented writers who deserve just reward.

Loads of people who bought the Guardian today are going to think "I could do that". People with no journalistic training or experience. People who think they can just waltz into a job that is already undervalued and underpaid and underestimated. People who'd be happy to get a byline for free, just to have their name in print.

It's going to be yet another squeeze on our already crushed and struggling to breathe profession.

The cynic in me wonders if this is a deliberate ploy by the Guardian to find yet another way of acquiring cheap or free content for its websites and print editions.

On the other hand, I sincerely hope that every section head, every commissioning editor at the Guardian gets swamped with poorly constructed pitches and unsolicited, badly written articles. They'll soon be as fed up as I am right now. And maybe then the idiots that dreamed this wheeze up will realise that it's much better to actually pay someone who knows what they are doing the going rate for a job well done.