Questionnaires

I've been struggling on and off today to fill in an industry questionnaire. It's not a difficult one, just one that will boost my profile within the hackosphere and, ideally, push my book a bit. It's just that some of the questions are proving a touch tricky to answer diplomatically. Let's face it, if I answered them honestly I'd trash my reputation at a stroke and probably consign the rest of my career to stacking shelves in Aldi.

How can PRs be useful to you?
- By never contacting me except to send me free bottles of 70 proof vodka? Hmm, maybe not.

If we gave you £1000, how would you spend it?
- Easy. On Grade A Bolivian coke, of course. Except, obviously, I wouldn't because Class As are out of the question when you have epilepsy, and the truth - that I'd probably really struggle to blow that much cash in one go - is rather boring.

What books are on your bedside table?
- Right now, apart from Flat Earth News by Nick Davies (a truly brilliant look at the state of contemporary journalism), I'm halfway through a crime novel and I'm also flicking through a "how to" manual on cock and ball torture.* This really is the truth - I'm reviewing it for one of my regular clients, along with a pile of other smut for which I shall be paid - but I fear being honest here will be the kiss of death for the juicy commissions I seek at some very serious financial industry publications.

You can see my dilemma. If I tell the truth, readers will either think I'm a junkie, barking, a filthy pervert or just dull. Or possibly all four. If that's possible. Yet I still need to make it witty and interesting so my peers can see what a brilliant writer I am.

I think I need to sleep on this and give it another go in the morning...


* Warning: NSFW

Throwing the book

I have a book coming out in a matter of just days and I want to throw the entire print runit at my publisher.

I've been so wrapped up in contract work, and slaving away for long hours to get it all done, that I didn't really pay too much advance attention to the book. I kept thinking - it's a few weeks away, I've plenty of time to start pitching. Then suddenly the weeks whizzed past and this morning it dawned on me that I'd heard nothing from my publisher at all since mid-March.

Where the hell were my dozen author copies? What had they lined up for promotion? (Back in mid-March, I'd filled in a massive form detailing stuff about various press contacts, local bookshops, names of editors at local radio and TV stations etc, precisely to assist them with that.)

I was just about to pick up the phone when an email arrived from the bunny at the publisher. The bunny's job is to get publicity for the books they publish. So, 4 days before publication she decides to let me know she's hastily cobbling some promo slots together for me.

To say I was enraged was an understatement. My anger was not helped by the fact that I've been severely sleep-deprived for a couple of months, which has made me very grouchy indeed most of the time. I asked her where my books were.

- We posted them to you at the end of March, she said.

- I haven't received them, I replied.

I'm not going to recount the entire string of mails that went back and forth but it transpired that the books had been sent to my old address, which I left 4 months ago and is 40 miles away. This despite the fact that I mailed the bunny in January to give her my new contact details, and again in mid-March to remind her of my new address. So she had all this on file and still managed to send my books to my old house. Worse, she insisted I must have them as they'd been signed for. I pointed out, rather tartly, that I'd not been back to my old town since I left and that I'd paid Royal Mail a large sum to forward all my mail for a year so I still should have received them (and yes I'm going to stick a rocket under Royal Mail tomorrow - watch me light the blue touch paper and stand well clear). But the bunny could have sent them to my current address in the first place if she'd paid a bit more attention. And if she'd bothered to email me a month ago to say the books were en route, the problem would have come to light very quickly.

But I'm more hacked off with the fact that I spent several months working on the book for an unbelievably paltry advance (and basically earned only about £50 in January from other clients because of time taken to finish the manuscript), in the hope that it would sell reasonably well and I'd at least earn some royalties.

But no, it's all been left to the last minute and I ended up bleating my woes on Twitter - some colleagues rallied around with ideas and contacts, for which I'm very grateful (even though I was horribly grumpy at the time), and I've now managed to secure a slot on the local BBC radio morning magazine show. It's something at least. Fortunately, there's an "awareness week" coming up mid-month, so I may yet be able to pitch a feature or two around that, much as I hate awareness weeks.

I am so knackered that I've had to apologise to lots of colleagues today for being a foul-tempered cow lately. And I had to grovel to the parental for going off-radar for several weeks, as well. I'm not massively popular right now. On days like these, I feel like jacking it all in and stacking shelves at the supermarket instead.

Lesson learned, though. I shan't write for this publisher again. Although I shall, of course, milk the fact I have a book out because it's good for the old CV.

Do I wish I'd never signed the contract? Hell, yes. At least right now. But I hope I might still be able to salvage something out of the current mess. The Manchester media community have been the best, today, with their offers of support. The next round will definitely be on me.

PR annoyances of the month

A double posting tonight, as I return to an occasional favourite of mine...

First up, a very nice PR person actually took the trouble to call me a couple of weeks back to ask me about the kind of topics I normally write about and to see if I would be interested in any of her clients. I explained that her patch didn't really overlap with mine except very occasionally. We agreed that she could email her client list for me to peruse and that I would get back to her if I saw any possibilities for feature ideas. I've been a bit busy since then and haven't had time to look at the list.

I was rather cross today to get an email from her colleague. Said colleague wrote that she was glad to hear I was interested in the type of products her clients sold (er no, I didn't say that), she attached a "feature" that she asked me to place (the feature actually being a press release that consisted of a long list of product benefits - there was no story at all as the product has been on the market at least 10 years in the UK) and finished by saying she'd continue to send me releases (that I almost certainly do not want). An object lesson in how to piss a hack off. And tomorrow I have to write back to her sweetly explaining what she got wrong (I say sweetly because actually I don't want to piss off the colleague who called first).

I also got a release today of no use to me whatsoever from Rainier PR telling me all about why Londoners are sick of reading about Amy Winehouse in the media. Er, hello, anyone home at Rainier? I don't live in London and couldn't give a flying duck about whether its residents want to read about Winehouse's personal problems.

Of what possible use is a London-focused release to any hack a) not living in London and b) not writing about London? This is yet another example of Londoners driving the media agenda with London-based news and forgetting that the vast majority of British people live elsewhere and would rather know what is going on in their own area. It's the same mindset that dictates that the "news" is based on Westminster and the government and reflected in the very patchy media coverage of many counties on the BBC's own news website.

PRs take note: a bit more attention and focus to detail never goes amiss.


*I do realise I'm probably pissing into the wind here...

Bunny boiling

Over at Getting Ink, Sally has raised some interesting questions about doing PR from a journalist's perspective. Many freelance hacks dabble in PR - when commissions are thin or you just want some regular income, it's easy enough to get writing shifts at a PR agency or take on business clients looking for PR and wanting to hire those with a solid journalistic background. A lot of journalists also shift over permanently to PR at some point in their career. After all, who better to understand what journalists want in a story than a journalist, right? Right.

Yet, it's a precarious position to be in, as Sally has discovered. I was actually quite shocked that some lazy hacks were demanding the PR bunny set up interviews with their client's rivals. Any journalist too lazy to do that really ought to be forced to spend the rest of their career covering church fêtes and court reports. (And hoping to be nominated for a Churner Prize if they honestly think asking a PR to write 800 words for their own byline is acceptable behaviour.) (But apparently these things are all normal practice, according to PRs, so maybe I shouldn't be too shocked at what colleagues get up to.) I was also quite gobsmacked that one journo could say to another (highly experienced) journo "that's not a story".

It's for all these reasons that PR is an area I tend to shy away from. I will draft the occasional press release for a client, as long as the business is not operating in an area I normally cover as a journalist, to avoid conflict of interest. Otherwise, I'd rather earn additional income from copy-editing or copywriting. It's a somehow cleaner relationship. Certainly one that makes me feel less grubby.*


*I'm not suggesting that Sally is grubby. Far from it. Because I know she's not. I'm just less comfortable about taking on PR work.

Disability and PR spin

I just received an email from Leonard Cheshire Disability. Or rather, their PR company: "I’m contacting you from the information you supplied on your blog. I saw you have posted about disability and I wanted to tell you about an organization in the UK you may or may not be aware of. Leonard Cheshire Disability have just unveiled six new characters (attached) from its [REMOVED] series on [REMOVED] ahead of a six week campaign to change attitudes to disability. Disabled people have the same desires and aspirations as non-disabled people, in work, education and relationships. The new animations will challenge people’s low expectations about what disabled people can do and will be broadcasted on national television over the summer. The new characters are based on the unscripted voices of real young disabled people talking about the issues that affect their lives. One animation highlights attitudes towards wheelchairs and people with a hearing impairment, while the others focus on things like sex, relationships and bullying. From reading your blog we hope you may believe in the campaign and post to your readers and debate about what it aims to achieve. Clips of the new adverts and the TV adverts from the first series can be found and be embedded from [REMOVED]. The new advert clips will include the new characters mentioned earlier, which you can see at the [REMOVED] website; along with more about the campaign, interviews with the voices behind the characters, and clips of all the current and previous adverts: [REMOVED]"

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Leonard Cheshire and the valuable work it does for those far more seriously disabled than myself. What I object to is their PR company cynically trying to cash in on this blog to promote the cause. Their opening lines show clearly they haven't even followed this blog properly or they would be well aware that I post regularly, if intermittently, on living with a disability and would not have sent me such a patronising plea ("I saw you have posted about disability and I wanted to tell you about an organization in the UK you may or may not be aware of").

I'm a journalist and I write about disability issues sometimes, with that added insight I have from actually being disabled (at least from an official viewpoint, as my disability is not that bad from a personal perspective). Do they honestly think as a meeja professional I would not have heard of Leonard Cheshire? More importantly, do they believe I am that gullible, buyable even, that an email would be all it takes to promote them?

I don't doubt that Nile-On (the PR company) is doing its best to promote a very worthy cause (and gawd knows, disability needs positive press coverage) but cynically trying to exploit or hijack personal blogs is not the way forward. I get very riled by these kind of approaches. It's not the first time and undoubtedly won't be the last, but boy does it raise my hackles...

I'm far more interested in Britain's Missing Top Model as a way of showing the diversity of disability.

PR annoyance of the month

The difficult-to-place story saga has taken an uncomfortable twist.

Earlier today, I emailed the PR to keep her posted about my efforts to sell the story, explaining the problems I was having placing it and what I proposed to do. I've just had a response that makes me want to spit blood.

In short, the PR asked me which newspaper wanted the story but had no budget for it, how much I'd have expected to earn for it if there had been a budget and - get this - if I could find out if the section ed would take it for free because if so, the company would pay me instead.

I was so shocked, I was momentarily speechless. Then I let fly with a string of curses. And then I sent back a diplomatically tart response that I couldn't accept payment as it would compromise my neutrality. Not to mention my credibility. If I wanted to be paid by the company, I'd apply for a job with them.

This has left me wondering how common a practice this is among PRs and if any hacks have ever taken company money in such a situation.

The day today

...was a mixed bag really.

The PR people were kind enough to pick up the phone this morning and apologise for bunging me on their mailing list without checking if I was interested. Although they kept insisting that they'd got my email addy from Gorkana. Funny that, as the email address at which they spammed me has never been on Gorkana. Ever.

And then, of course, Gorkana contacted me to say they'd heard I was receiving press releases at the wrong email address... Sighing, I picked up the phone and rang Gorkana to tell them I'd never had any problem receiving emails from them at the wrong address.Hmmm, wonder who told Gorkana, anyway? No prizes for guessing who. But if the PR person had read my website properly in the first place, all this grief could have been avoided. And the PRs wonder why us hacks get so, erm, hacked off with them at times...

So that was half a day gone.

I also lost 30 minutes on a totally pointless IM chat with a foreign client. The person I spoke to is not even my client, but just works for my client. Nevertheless, he engaged me in a conversation about a minor point of grammar where I had changed the original copy. I kept explaining I didn't have time to chat and no, I was not going to explain it by email later in the week either. I just about managed to rein in my rudeness but ended the chat enraged at the waste of time and being questioned over my editorial decisions by someone who only speaks my language as a non-native speaker. Obviously not a good day for keeping my temper.

I got no work done today. The IM chat, the PR nonsense and, oh yeah, the discovery that a Guardian piece of mine had been plagiarised on 2 websites (necessitating the sending of threatening emails demanding removal or compensation for breaching my copyright) ruined my day.

Now I have to produce 1,500 words by teatime tomorrow and I haven't called anyone yet for quotes, I've done no research and I'll be winging it all the way. All I need now is a seizure to really wreck my working week.

Bunny annoyance of the month

It's only 8 days since I changed my email address. A couple of days later, I amended the contact page of my website to include the new addy and also an extra paragraph of text. This stated very plainly that any PR types who might be thinking of adding me to a mailing list should contact me first (and that PRs who didn't bother would have their mail treated as spam.)

There are two very simple reasons for this:
1. I might not be interested in what a PR type is trying to promote, so it's always useful to check.
2. I have a dedicated mailbox for press releases that has a completely different address, which stops my inbox from being filled up with 100+ press releases a day.

I'm really fed up of being bombarded with press releases that have no interest for me. If they go into my PR mailbox, that's no big deal, but it's a major annoyance to have unsolicited PR landing in my POP3 account - unlike all the fake rolex and viagra spam, my ISP can't filter bunny droppings.

It took less than 24 hours for a PR bunny* at Ptarmigan PR to add my new email address to their database. Did they bother to contact me? Of course not. Do I write about property? No. Do I want press releases on how to flog a house? Work it out for yourself...

I immediately instructed my email filter to block all future mails from Ptarmigan. This morning my postie delivered an envelope from Ptarmigan containing the same press release - 4 pages, what a waste of paper.

I can't wait to hit the phone on Monday morning.

*A PR person who has fluff where the brain normally resides.

Register of interests and PR woes

Journalist Michael Cross has proposed an interesting idea over on JournoBiz - namely that journalists should voluntarily declare on any conflicts of interest on a register. Much of the reading public is unaware that, for example, hacks writing travel features usually have their trips paid for by airlines and hotels or holiday companies, rather the costs being met by the publication.

The perks of the job can be amazing - or paltry. It depends what you write about. Hacks reviewing products of any description can expect to be given them for free, for keeps. A music journalist is highly unlikely ever to buy CDs. Motoring journalists often get a flash car to play with for a month or so before it goes back to the manufacturer. Reviewing vehicles virtually ensures you don't really need to buy your own.

Then there's the other end of the spectrum. Because of the kind of journalism I engage in, I rarely get freebies. In the last year, I've had about £200 worth of free VoIP kit, but that was only foisted on me by an anxious PR after I'd slated the company in print, in the hope that if I write about them again I'll be nicer. And that's it. Nothing else apart from a couple of free sex toys and two books!

I like the idea, though, of journalists being transparent about perks and conflicts of interest. Michael's aim is for it to operate along similar lines to that of the register of MPs' interests. I am following the debate on JournoBiz as it unfolds and if it ever gets off the ground I expect I'll sign up.

Elsewhere, I had a spectacularly stressful day thanks to a hapless PR. I had an afternoon deadline to file a feature and although I'd requested some statistics several days ago and they'd been promised by end of Wednesday, I still hadn't received them by noon. I was struggling to write my article without the info and spent ages on the phone and emailing. The flack kept saying I'd have them in 10 minutes and an hour would pass and there'd still be no stats.

Finally, I got the email, only for the most important stats I'd asked for to be missing. Another phone call, another hour... I eventually filed late, which I was not pleased about, although my commissioning ed was very understanding because I'd kept her informed of the problem.

When will PRs understand that it's essential to respect our deadlines and supply us with what we ask for? It took this one 4 whole days to come up with 5 lines of info, data that she could have supplied quickly and easily if she'd applied herself. Sigh. At least the other PRs I dealt with this week were a lot more helpful.

Today's annoyances

WARNING *grumpy old ranter alert*

Annoyance no. 1 was an unsolicited email from a PR firm called Kelso Consulting sent to the wrong email address (I have a dedicated email address for PR stuff so it doesn't clog up my inbox). Worse, it contained an attachment - a PDF of a new weekly column by an economist. Normally, I'd have been interested in reading this but I never, ever open unsolicited attachments and I don't know any other hack that does either. Sending attachments to journalists is the fastest way to piss us off (that, and offering totally unsuitable case studies). So here we have yet another totally clueless PR firm that has managed to put my back up (like the Irish one that mailed me a release then rang to ask if I'd got it, another no-no, but then - when I'd explained that I didn't cover the stuff they were sending - further failed me to remove me from their mailing list).

Annoyance no. 2 was the post. I get a fair amount of junk mail on any given day. A lot of it is an untargeted waste of trees - companies offering to provide me with HR training, for example (like, duh, do your homework please - you don't seriously think a sole trader working from home is going to be interested in HR training, do you? Today I received the umpteenth mailing from Premierline Direct (yes, it's name and shame day today) who, roughly once a month, send me piles of bumph urging me to buy their discount insurance.

I have news for Premierline Direct:
a) I'm not interested in commercial vehicle insurance. I don't have a vehicle. Of. Any. Sort.
b) As a home-based worker, I don't need business premises insurance. A simple check on my postcode and in some directory or other would confirm that for you. And anyway, my business is covered under the household insurance.
c) after 30 months of bombarding me, don't you think that if I haven't responded by now you are unlikely to convince me to call you today?

Phew! I'm glad I got all that off my chest otherwise I might have had to rant about some of the other things that are seriously pissing me off right now.

Pro bono goes unprofessional

In May, I blogged about some pro bono work I was doing. I'm not going to mention the name of the organisation but for me the events that unfolded were a salutary lesson in when to walk away.

Almost two years ago, this organisation (that I shall henceforth refer to as X) was in dire straits. It was bound by an unworkable constitution, its membership had fallen to an all-time low of just 12 members and only one committee member remained. This committee member co-opted three others and a decision was made to overhaul X completely with a new legal structure. As X's cause is something I care passionately about, I was quite flattered 18 months back to be asked to be a regional representative. I took on the role gladly - it was purely voluntary and I wasn't even a member as membership had been suspended by then while matters were sorted out.

I spent a lot of time and energy on X, including helping to draft a new constitution (which was never used) and doing various bits of copywriting, editorial work and giving advice on PR stuff.

Last month, I decided to step down as regional representative, for personal reasons. The committee asked me to stay on behind the scenes and continue to help with press and PR. In the committee's own words, they hadn't a clue and were reliant on my expertise. I agreed to do this.

Ahead of the relaunch of X with its new legal status, I drafted a press release and also a relaunch announcement which was to be disseminated across the internet to the community with which X works. A couple of drafts were prepared of the latter and I handed over the final version just before my holiday.

The announcement went public while I was abroad and I was deeply unhappy on my return to discover that an extra paragraph had been inserted into the copy. Had I been around, I would have vetoed a crucial half-sentence that, in my view, was misleading and potentially very damaging. But, of course, I was in Paris and unable to do anything.

It was too late - the damage was done. On one particular discussion forum, furious debate was raging, much of it based on this erroneous phrase that I had not condoned. The committee were handling the criticisms very badly. Getting hold of X's committee members was not easy. But eventually on Wednesday I made contact and made my unhappiness clear. I followed up the telephone conversation with an e-mail, to put my concerns in black and white. I wrote a lengthy piece of PR advice on how best to repair the damage to X's reputation.

One of the committee members rang me a couple of hours later to discuss my concerns and advice. We talked at length about strategy to make amends and I hung up, feeling more secure that the committee would handle things better. That feeling didn't last long. Within 12 hours, X had responded to an inflammatory piece of criticism with some very childish remarks - the equivalent of throwing toys out of the pram.

I was appalled. All of my advice had been completely ignored.

As this was the second time they had decided to forge ahead without checking in with me, I did the only thing I could do, and dissociated myself from X. I e-mailed them to explain why. My integrity as a professional wordsmith was on the line, as well as my reputation within the community X claims to represent.

Yesterday I felt sad and angry. Today, I feel more sanguine about the whole experience. I have learned a lesson that doing pro bono work is only worthwhile if you know that the time and energy you put into it is going to be acknowledged and used. In this case, it wasn't.